It is often said that tough times do not last, but tough people do.
I believe we all face challenges in life; the only difference is the magnitude of it.
It’s been over 2years since things began to go from bad to worse for me, and it all started with my job. You see, I used to work in the oil-field, making a decent wage, and I honestly liked what I did and those I worked with. The only downside was the time and distance, which I had to stay away from home. However, I always saw it as a small price to pay to “living the American dream.”
My younger brother and I purchased a lovely suburban house for our mom in a nice neighborhood with little help from our family. Indeed ‘twas a very proud feat for us; I remember an uncle who bragged about it to the rest of the family. Another uncle was so proud that he offered to do part of the furnishings. But it all seemed to go downhill from there. Barely six months after we purchased the house, my brother was permanently relieved from his duty as an IT network technician in the very first week of the year, and not long afterward, I had to bear most of the financial upkeep. Things were rough but what I didn’t realize was that they would get tough for me.
Around March or April, Human Resources instructed me to quit coming to work because of my inability to be clean shaved because I could not wear a respiratory mask with facial hair; it’s believed that facial hair will hinder proper use of the PPE, which in-turn poses a health hazard considering the nature of my job. I was then sent home by my boss to return when my dermatologist could certify that I can be clean shaved — well, that never happened because it was a genetic thing.
I stayed home for a while and applied to other Oil and Gas related jobs, but all effort was futile. After a while, frustration began setting in, and I was starting to get desperate, so I enrolled in an IT class with hopes to land a job after I completed the course. However, that wasn’t the case. This period has to be one of the most nerve-racking and ego-shattering stages I’ve ever been through. It seemed like every interview aimed at reducing me. I began to feel worthless with each interview. I felt crushed that, at some point, I stopped taking interviews altogether.
I eventually began to look into other lesser alternatives. I worked in a FedEx warehouse, making about $10/hr and working less than 40hrs a week. That couldn’t even pay my credit card bill for a month, lol. Since that didn’t work, I applied for a security position where I was hired and worked a full forty. I kept studying for an IT job. I worked nights, got off at 6:30 am, and was home on or before 7 am. I slept for 3–4hrs and went back to studying or taking interviews. That went on for about 9months. Then what seemed like a breakthrough finally peeked; it was a position in an Oil company. I was happy, but I knew I could do better! At the same time, I thought to myself, ‘my time has finally come, an opportunity to be back on my feet,’ but I messed it up by testing positive for THC . I would never have thought that there would be another test before commencing orientation. I was shattered, reduced to absolute 0! I knew better, yet I did the opposite. Why?. I thought to myself, anyone who told me I was smart hadn’t the slightest idea what intelligent means. How could I ruin an opportunity over a few hours of relief? There I was, in the parking lot of my New Mexico lodge with ‘my balls in my hand’ helpless & hopeless.
You see, this is not yet a story of success because I’m still looking for a job. Even though things may be looking up, I still feel very hopeless and irrelevant because I like to help and I like being useful, but my inability to do that, which I like, has taken a toll on my self-esteem. Some days, I wake up in the early hours of the morning and just lay in bed feeling defeated and confused, just thinking about what I can do to make something of myself. While on other days, I wake up bursting in energy and enthusiasm, and with such strong faith, things will still get better!
I have tried to remain positive, but I get that reality check now and again when I remember the bills that need payment or when I can’t even afford to gift my loved one’s nice things or take them out for a treat.
I have realized that maybe I have had things a little too easy compared to many friends and even family, and this trying time is merely helping me root myself to be more steadfast and intentional. For instance, I have hopped in and out of great jobs ever since I landed in the US simply because I didn’t like them or the work ethics didn’t suit my lifestyle’s comfortability. Compared to those around me who had to stay for a year or even more to get what I had, I maybe took somethings for granted.
This period of my life has taught me
- To be tolerant of others.
- Tough times shape you into the person you’re meant to be.
- You’re genuinely all that you have, and you have to put in 110% to make something of yourself and with unwavering faith in yourself and, most importantly, in God! If not, you’ll give up and let go.
- Silly mistakes can result in extreme consequences. Never leave room for error.
- As long as you have breath in your lungs, then there’s hope. I always say to myself, if this were it, God would have called me home.
- Discipline yourself always to see the good in bad situations. That is what solidifies your faith.
With all that, I am going through mentally, financially, and emotionally, lol. I still have things I’m thankful for, like my family; they’ve been reliable support to me in all aspects. I am grateful for good health, especially during this pandemic; I can’t imagine falling ill in America without health insurance at such a time. I have not begged to feed; neither have I lost any of my possessions. These things and a lot more, I am grateful for, and when I begin to lose faith, I remember the biblical story of Job, and it restores my hope and strengthens my faith.
It is difficult to put into words the emotional and mental effects of how trying and failing at every turn affects the psyche; however, it is there, a hurt you can’t soothe but can feel, a scar you can’t itch. If you’re in the same boat, then you get it. However, you can’t give up! For It’s all part of the adventure that is Life.
Thank you for reading this and not judging me, lol. The story is not over yet, and I’ll be sure to share the success.
✌️🏾
